Good ole British dental care... 

When I met Anthony 7 years ago, he had never had a teeth cleaning in his life, so lets just start with that. I finally convinced him to go for a cleaning 4 years ago...he went...he was a dentist's wet dream. He got several root canals, crowns, fillings...the works. They can only do one side of your face at a time, so he did the right and decided to do the left later. Later never came. In fact, not even a cleaning ever came. Anthony never stepped foot in a dentist office again. I kid you not, I even asked for that for my bday last year. He bought me a necklace instead. In his mind...if he ignored the dentist, his teeth might magically fix themselves. Not sure if you can hear my eyes rolling.

Cut to 2016. Anthony, who doesn't believe in taking medicine... of any kind...ever... was suddenly sneaking a Tylenol Extra Strength. You would've thought I'd caught him taking cocaine when I confronted him. 

"Why are you taking Tylenol?"
"What? Huh? Ummm Ummm"
"Are you ok?"
"Yea...just my tooth hurts"

I'm not gonna lie. I didn't even try to take the high ground. I "I told you so-ed" all over the place. Then I threw him in my car and we took a family trip to the dentist. Verdict? A fractured tooth and another that was "beyond repair". The only other options were bridges, implants, blah blah blah. The pain was apparently a lot worse than he was letting on, so he decided to just take them out.  Anthony came back with 2 less teeth.

On the drive home he said to me...and I quote, "You have no idea how bad it hurts to have a tooth ripped out of your mouth." SO MANY LOLS I said..."Try having a baby vacuum extracted from your vagina and we'll talk". Man...such a classic card to pull for like...everything. Anyways, they prescribed him Antibiotics (to prevent infection), Motrin (for the inflammation) and Oxycodone (for the pain). Remember how I said he doesn't do medicine? Honestly he knows nothing about medicine. He once asked me if he was allowed to drink alcohol with Tums. lol 

Well the numbness started to wear off and he decided he was going to take an Oxycodone. I should note Anthony has ALSO never taken a narcotic in his life. 30 minutes passed and he said, "I can still feel the pain and the bottle says 1-2 every 4 to 6 hours. I think I'm going to take a second one.
"Are you sure? I mean I wouldn't...Even after I gave birth I never took more than one."
"Ya...honestly it did nothing"
"Are you suuuuure? Sometimes it takes a while to kick it."
"Ya...I'm not going to be able to sleep with this pain."
"Okay...I'm just warning you...you're gonna feel weird."
"I'll be fine."

Anthony took the 2nd Oxy. What transpired after that are what viral videos are made of...

He stood up to go to the bathroom...only his legs bowed out and he started walking like a cowboy who had just taken the biggest poop of his life... on his tip toes. Kinda looked like a drunk praying mantis. I didn't know what the hell was going on. He crashed into the baby gate, tried to grab onto the wall and farted. 

"Holy hell Anthony...are you ok?"
"I may or may not be able to feel my legs"
"Ok, then you need to sit down." 

He sat back down and within moments he had slid down the couch with only his neck propped up on the back rest. At that point he starts rambling, slurring and making no sense. He was white girl wasted. And kept asking me to look at the hole in his mouth. I mounted him on my back and dragged him to the bedroom. Felt like I was living Weekend at Bernie's . It was the best YouTube video never filmed. I babysat him all night until he stopped "seeing smells" and went to bed. The morale of this story is...go to the dentist.  Do be this guy! :) 

Killian watching daddy...and learning all about why we'll brush our teeth and go for cleanings.

I am now 120 lbs. Every Tuesday I step on the scale and expect my weight to plateau...but nope. Another lb bites the dust or whatever. So that's cool. Curious how long this is gonna go or if I'm just going to turn into a stick figure with boobs.

Im obsessed with these 3 ingredient cookies. The healthiest, most delicious cookies of all time: 

  • 2 ripe bananas 
  • 1 cup rolled oats 
  • 1 tsp cinnamon

Put it all in a bowl...smash it together with you hands. Spray the pan with coconut oil and divide it out to 12 cookies. Bake 350 degrees for 15 minutes. It'll feel like you're cheating on your diet...only you're not. Soooo good. 

Hair is still falling out in droves. Pretty annoying. Its got me on high alert that I might accidentally give my kid Hair Tourniquet Syndrome. Google it. Scary Stuff.

I guess some people give both boobs per feeding. I only offer Killian one...Anyone else?

Hair This week has been fruitful. Killian's naps have gotten longer, and his cries have basically stopped. Now I just want to be clear to anyone who thinks I might've been locking my son in a room and ignoring him for hours on end...this is not the case [Although I'd never judge another mom's choice to do that. You gotta do you] We have a modified version of "cry it out"...CIO-lite..Diet CIO...CIO for beginners and bleeding heart moms who aren't nearly as hardcore as they thought they'd be.

I rock him at nap time for 5-10 minutes to get him into sleep mode. He falls asleep/gets super sleepy 50% of the time. The other 50%? He fights it. His go-to move is to spit out his pacifier and start crying that it's no longer in his mouth. Yea....when we do that dance 5 times in a row? Into the crib he goes. He'll do the most sleepy pathetic "cry" for a few minutes and then usually passes out. [He ALWAYS sleeps longer when he falls asleep this way, but truthfully I love the rocking. Sometimes its nice for mom to wind down too.] 

Now if he wakes up after 20-45 minutes? I do let him cry. 15 minutes. I give him 15 minutes to work it out. 15 minutes to figure out that he's sleepy and needs to let go, relax and hug that proverbial pillow. 20 minutes isn't a good nap. It's a waste-of-time nap that turns my adorable baby into Sir Cranks A lot. By letting him cry, I give him a chance to figure things out on his own and not get in his way. I wish I could go to him with every single whimper, give him a pacifier and pat his belly to let him know I'm there, but honestly that just turns him into some crazed bloodhound. The first whiff of me, he forgets everything he knows and decides all he wants in life is to not sleep...but cling to me like a spider monkey. So ya...can't do that. The other problem with these short naps is that it shortens his feed/wake/sleep cycles. 3-4 hrs is the sweet spot. If it goes to 2.5 hrs, I noticed he spits up a lot b/c he's not having enough time to digest. [Note: I know to his cries and can tell the difference between drunk/tired man cry and something is wrong cry. Something is wrong cry always gets my immediate attention.]

By working on his daytime schedule and helping him learn to self sooth...it's inadvertently helped his nighttime sleep which was already pretty good. A few times this week, he took the dreamfeed at 10:30..and slept till morning. He still woke up in the middle of the night, but put himself back to sleep...so that's really awesome. Yay for him. Yay for me. That wasn't something I was expecting, but its awesome b/c he doesn't cry either. He'll flail his legs around, suck his hand and then go back to sleep...I know b/c I stalk him on the baby monitor.

But every day isn't perfect and there are other times when he takes 30 minute naps and refuses to go back to sleep. Then the schedule looks like this

Anthony's first narco adventure...obviously.

I had Killian in the baby carrier and was cleaning the kitchen. I bumped his head on the kitchen door handle. He cried and I felt like the biggest bag of shit ever. :/

Tell you what? I fucking love unsolicited advice. I thought I'd hate it as a mom...but nope. Every time I get it I end up learning something incredible. A friend of mine from college {Ashley...or the Poop Guru has I call her now lol] has been my go to on all things natural, responding to all my stupid fb questions at all hours of the day. This mom angel even sent me a book that has rocked my world, "The Science of Parenting". I mean who does that? Who pays to send a book to a person you haven't seen in 10 years, to help them? Ashley does. I haven't been on the playground yet, but in my opinion, other moms have only been helpful to me. They've PMed me with encouragement, tips, stories, advice, etc. Well this week she was helping me with cloth diapering when she mentioned I could also start 

Elimination Communication. Guys....THIS IS A GAME CHANGER. I've only done this for a couple days, so I'll keep you posted on how it goes, but my 4 month old pees in the potty. Yes...you heard me correctly. I mean basically I have to write a whole post on this so....look for that... but ...thanks Ashley. Some moms are angels.

Oh you mean Drools McGee? Never have I seen so much drool in my life...besides Anthony the other night. HA! So much drool he got himself a nice red spotty rash on his chin. Between that and the chomping down on everything, I'm wondering if teething time is upon us. In the meantime, I'll keep wearing my poncho. 

4 month check up went swimmingly. My chunker is 18.5 lbs and 26.5 inches long. He didn't cry when he got his vaccines, which was nice. Probably all the layers of fat protection.


*My vicious river dancer will not stop kicking...and it's kind of infuriating when it's your bladder, or boob, or face.

*He really likes tummy time now. 

*Dairy hates my whole family. I accidentally ate this delicious milk chocolate candy. Both Killian and I paid for it the next day. Puke, puke and more puke. Why dairy? Why do you hate me when I love you so much?

*At bath time Killian has started grabbing his balls and penis. I don't want to hinder his curiosity, but I have to keep pulling his hand away for the safety of my future grandchild. I mean he full on vulcan deathgrip grabs them...almost like a pinch. Looks painful. 

*When I kiss him now, he grabs my face, opens his mouth and slobbers on me. It's adorable.

*Rolls from side to side in his crib...on purpose. It's only a matter of time before the belly sleeping begins.

*Sits up on his own, unassisted for 15 seconds-ish

He hasn't hopped on the parent train yet. The one that says, "If it needs to get done, do it now." Because of this...I've turned into quite the handy man. One trip to Home Depot and a YouTube tutorial later....and I've fixed my toilet. I also busted out the screw driver and WD40 and finally fixed the loose and creaky doors in my house. Just call me Kristen the Toolman Taylor? Nah...that doesn't sound right. I'll work on it.

I was going to DIY this completely natural toothpaste, but before I could hit checkout with all my ingredients, Anthony insisted we try it first lol He's not as zealous or trusting as I am on my new diy-non-toxic-crazy-mom kick. So I ordered EarthPaste (which is essentially what I'd make)...and it's awesome!! I did a lot of research and I've read its has been known to reverse cavities. Also...it was cheaper than the Sensodyne I usually buy. Just takes some getting use to no foam.

I really fell down the bunny hole with cloth diapers. I lost sleep over the research. There's like 40 million different cloth diapers, 37 million different ways to wash them and literately every single person will tell you why x is the best one...only everyone's x is something different. I wanted to save some money...and the environment, but I have no clue what the best choice for me and Killian is. So I took a deep breath and started small. Cloth wipes. lol I made a diy wipes solution (water, coconut oil, castile soap, lavender oil) and bought 24 organic terry cloths. I also have 4 cloth diapers from a gifting suite that I'm going to mix into the rotation. I start this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Being a mom means worrying. Its mind-consuming. You're always on. I feel like my only mission in life to make sure nothing bad touches my baby boy. Ever. It's crazy. And it's hard. You just want to make the right choice only you have no idea what the right choice is. Makes me understand why some mom's don't vaccinate. B/c at the end of the day...we aren't chemists. We don't know what's in those vaccines...or what harm, if any, it does. You should be able to trust the agencies that do know, but you can't...b/c the FDA fails us every single day. B/c partially hydrogenated oil is legal in food...b/c MSG was allowed to change it's name so people would still eat MSG only not know its MSG...b/c these companies don't have to label anything and even if they do you have no clue what they are. The FDA is a joke...much like the TSA...and IRS...and every single government agency I can think of. You take my taxes. Do your job. Be efficient. Look out for the people! If that shit causes cancer, put a label on the box. Or better yet...how about just don't make coffee creamer that causes cancer? Aaaaaand this is turning political. Let me stop myself.

I guess I just wish I didn't have to try so freaking hard to be healthy. I wish I lived in a world where toothpaste didn't have 26 ingredients...and where pumpkin spice lattes actually had pumpkin in them. :/

True love is posting a photo of you when you look fat, b/c he looks so darn cute. <3