It "rained" this week in Los Angeles. I put it in quotes, b/c the Florida girl in me could never call it rain...a mist maybe, a sprinkle perhaps...but not rain. Regardless, rain or shine...life goes on. My mom and dad were coming to town and I had to pick up some things from the grocery store. Killian was fed, changed and rocking his awesome winter hat. We did the whole "leaving the house" adventure and arrived at Trader Joes. I pulled out my infant carrier, strapped in my baby and grabbed my bags. As I entered the store, I felt proud. Only a couple months ago, the thought of doing something like this would've given me a panic attack...but here I was...wearing my baby like my favorite fanny pack and doing normal human things like grocery shopping. Felt like another secret mommy badge of honor they don't tell you about. I took off his hat. My head was high and my cart half full, when a older woman roughly 70 years old walked right up to me, looked at my baby, STROKED HIS HEAD and said to him in a baby voice, "Wow I can't believe mommy has you out in this rain. And with no hair on your little head! You could get sick out in this weather." She then looks at me and said, "Poor thing. He must be freezing."
Old Kristen may have caused a scene and put that old hag in a chokehold. Old Kristen definitely would've had some choice words that can't be said on network television. New Kristen was a calm. New Kristen has gone up against youtube commenters. New Kristen was also in complete shock that someone would have the audacity to touch my child and criticize my parenting. So new Kristen just stood there...blinked 87 times... and said nothing. When the bag of leather realized New Kristen wasn't going to respond...she walked away while saying..."or she...I don't know." [As if anyone could mistake him for a girl.]
I knew something like this would eventually happen, but oh my god...I never expected to feel the way I did. You can knock my fashion...my hair...the ungodly amount of photos I post of Killian or my pregnant belly, but when someone criticizes your parenting...it stings you to the core. I knew she was wrong. I knew she was unjustified, but it still made me feel like shit. "Was she right? Should I have kept him inside?" NO! The answer is no. That bitch was crazy. It was a mist and Killian has like 14 layers of fat. Even if it had been pouring rain...he was fine. I just wanted to share that story b/c I think every mom will experience this at some point.
Trust yourself. You know what's right for your baby. And most of all...try not to think of the greatest comeback of all time AFTER you get in the car. #facepalm
20 weeks in, 20 weeks out
This was a big week for Killian. I thought the baby stage would go by so much slower, but he's developing at the speed of light and moments are just flying by. I thought he would hit milestones slowly, and give me time to wallow in them and throw individual parties haha....but once they start...they just take off. One minute he reaches for an object...and then that's it...he's always reaching for an object. Slow down baby boy, slow down.
*He's in 9 month clothing now. Anything smaller and it looks like a red Baywatch one piece bathing suit.
*He holds his own bottle and readjusts it if it comes out of his mouth. I'm not sure how other kids compare...so this might be something completely normal to do by his age, but Killian doesn't really get a bottle so Anthony and I were shocked when he just grabbed it and went to town. He has probably only had a bottle 4-5 times in his life while awake. The other times it's just been at a dreamfeed or in the middle of the night.
*He pees and poops in the potty! Never did I ever think he would learn and catch on so quickly, but he did and seems happier for it. [I am still shocked every time. Not sure when that's going to wear off.] Here's a pix of his turd!
*He got an exersaucer from Grandma and Colonel and this thing is like an amusement park for babies. He stands up, does a river dance jump, spins the wheel...he's hypnotized!!
*He's really getting a grasp on his feet! He plays with a water bottle in the bath and he kicks it, flips it in his hands and puts it in his mouth. What? American Ninja Warrior?
*He knows where my nipple is. When he's hungry he will now bite my nipple through my shirt. He will pull my bra and punch my boob. I presume he will be doing this for the rest of his life...looking for boob.
*He sits up in the Bumbo...no wobbling.
*He's totally teething. It could be months before the tooth comes through, but he's drooling at least a pint a day, chewing and gnawing on everything, gums are swollen...it's happening guys. It's happening
*Puts his arms up and reaches for me to pick him up. <-----my most favorite thing ever.
*For the past few months he's been watching me eat, b/c that's how I make time to eat...by making a game of it. I talk to him...tell him what I'm eating and what it tastes like. Over time he started thrusting his tongue, mimicking chewing and reaching for food I was eating. This week while I was eating some dried mango, he grabbed my hand and pulled the mango into his mouth. This wasn't "Oh I'm gonna put that in my mouth like i do everything". He knew what he was doing. He tasted it...he sucked on it. My gut...my instincts...told me to go with it. I let him explore for a few seconds. When I pulled it away he freaked out, reached his hands and grabbed it again. Which leads me into the next section...
His pediatrician and I had a long chat about introducing solids at the 4 month appt. Where he normally doesn't recommend it before 6 months...he felt that due to Killian's weight, size and insatiable appetite, that the time might be upon us. "Waiting till 6 months may not be right for him." He was supporting his head, sitting up, far more active and burning lots of calories... and more importantly...he was showing signs he was ready. I told him I was going to hold out till at least 5 months. He told me to trust my gut. "A mother knows", he said.
Over the past week Killian went from feeding every 3-4 hours to every 1.5-2...He needed more calories, so I'd give him more milk...but the frequent feedings had him spitting up and my nipples wounded. They were cracked and bleeding, I was fatigued, my eye started twitching and that's when I said enough's enough. Although I have plenty of milk...it wasn't satisfying him. He needed more, so we decided to start solids.
This is probably going to sound like the most ridiculous thing in the world...but coming to terms with adding 1 tbsp of rice cereal to MY breastmilk...had me in tears. Full disclosure...I'm crying as I type this. Felt like I wasn't enough. Felt like my moments with him breastfeeding were slipping away. I know that's insane. He was never going to be a 6 year old still sucking my tit every 3 hours. That's just weird...But parting with a feeding is a kick in the gut. This wasn't a milestone just for him...it was for me too. Felt like a loss. I use to pray for the day that I'd be done with breastfeeding. Now? The last day I feed him...I may have a mental breakdown. Its really made me reflect on how much I should appreciate the time I have left ...b/c those moments don't last long.
I secretly hoped he'd hate it and reach for me. But he loved it. He grabbed the spoon and fed himself. He was ravenous. As soon as you pulled the spoon away he'd whine and reach for another bite. I'd never seen a kid take to food so quickly. I thought for sure he'd be spitting it everywhere and pushing it out with his tongue, but nope.
It was the right decision him...and my nips. Here's some video lol
HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK:
Remember that sign I made for my door? Ok...so I'm cleaning out the closet by the front door when I hear a knock...one single knock...almost a half knock if that's even possible. So much of a "half knock" that my dogs didn't even hear it. I open the door and oh my god hahahaha HAHAHAHAHA All I see is the dust kicking up from the Fed Ex guy's shoes. He was half way down the path in the front yard. He was sprinting...like an animal was chasing him...trying to eat him. He was tripping on rocks, losing his balance, but kept running. He hopped in his car and I shit you not....he peeled out!! I stood there. My confusion turned realization. "He must've started to knock...saw my sign...and got scared." The poor guy must've thought a psycho mom was about to come to the door and murder him. I know it's bad to laugh...but it was so hilarious. I mean...he was really running fast. hahahahahaha
LOW POINT OF THE WEEK:
Killian spit up blood! I'm not sure words can express what happens to you when your child spits up blood. My whole life flashed before my eyes... my hands started trembling. I screamed, "Mom, is that blood? IS THAT BLOOD?" Thank god my mom was in town. She was a pro. She was calm. She immediately flipped him over, opened his mouth and checked him out. No cuts, bites, teeth breaking through. She took him outside to see better in the light. She was calm. I shouted for Anthony. "I need your phone, mine is dead, Killian is spitting up blood!" Anthony rushed over. He spat up more, but was acting completely normal. He seemed happy...and unaware. As I was dialing his pediatrician Anthony said, "Could it be your nipples? You said they were cracked." A brief pause and I hung up, took off my shirt and squeezed my nipple. Blood came out. Praise Jesus! ...Not sure when my pain tolerance became so high that I could no longer feel blood pouring out of my nipples...probably somewhere between the vacuum extraction and the episiotomy...but they were bleeding and I had no idea. And my poor son had been drinking it. This was the straw that broke the camel's back to give him food. When your nipples are bleeding from feeding him so much...maybe it's time? All I know is, that was so terrifying. I was so scared, my hands shook for an hour after that. Hope I haven't turned him into a vampire...especially not of the glitter variety.
With all the mental and physical leaps ...came increased hunger, erratic sleep and mood swings. Not once did he sleep through the night this week, but that's ok. I can only imagine his mind must've been running ragged thinking about spoons, toilets and teeth. Poor guy. Well I hope it's a mental leap and not the dreaded 4 month sleep regression I keep hearing about.
Also, two of his naps have stretched to an hour, hour and half. Yay!
I broke the 20's! Holla! Yes I just said, "Holla." I'm 119! I'm back in the teens! oh ya oh ya oh ya. I'm really going to miss this "eating whatever I want, whenever I want" thing when I stop breastfeeding.
ME AND MY BODY:
Hair is still falling out. Ugh. Nothing worse than a rouge hair that keeps tickling your arm, but you can't find it. I've been chasing this invisible hair for the past 4 hours. Sneaky fucker.
I've had some pretty terrible insomnia. Which is wildly inconvenient when you're already not getting enough sleep. Shhhhh brain. Shhhhh
I've definitely reached the point where I've realized I need to get out and make some mom friends. I've got a few credits for mommy and me yoga...and I'm thinking about venturing out to some mommy meet ups. If anything I'll get some fresh air and some fantastic writing material.
THINGS I DID NOT KNOW, BUT YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY KNOW:
-5mL of 3% Hydrogen Peroxide given orally to a 10lb dog, induces vomiting and can save you hundreds on your vet bill. Let me back up. Anthony cooked me some delicious fajitas...with onions. Onions are toxic to dogs...very toxic. I was about to dig in when Killian needed to go potty. I was gone a few seconds when Anthony caught Willow eating off my plate. 5mL of hydrogen peroxide and a few minutes walking around...it all came up...whole. She did seem to have a bit of a sore tummy after that, but thankfully she's ok. Thanks internet!
-Hydrogen Peroxide is also a great cleaner for teether toys and such.
-When your child ingests anything besides breastmilk, his poop and farts will smell unholy...Seriously. Its like a corpse's ass. It's a horrible concoction of sulfur, methane and...ass. Farewell movie theatre popcorn smell....farewell.
He has his job...and then he produces music too. So he works a lot...a whole lot. Well one of the albums he produced and played all the instruments on gets released in a couple weeks and the examiner did a review on it...and its awesome. Check it out here. So I'm just the proud wife today :)
I've been trying to convince Anthony to do a guest blog entry every month to give his very unique perspective on it all....so if any of you guys would like to help me with that, feel free to let him know how much you'd look forward to it.
NEW THINGS I'M TRYING/MAKING:
Cloth diapers! It's not nearly as intimidating as I thought it would be. I mean...I've only thrown 4 into the mix, but between those 4 and him using the potty, I've only used a handful of disposable diapers this week, which is pretty awesome.
I'm still loving the cloth wipes and the solution. Its SO easy. I use the spray, but Anthony prefers them pre-soaked. We'll switch it up. If you missed my how-to...you can read it here.
I DIY-ed an all natural dish soap, but the chemistry was off. It left a residue, so now I'm trying out my new concoction. I think it's a good batch...if it is, I'll pass it along.
END OF THE WEEK THOUGHTS:
I am incredibly lucky that my dad's job brings him out to California every few months, b/c that means I get to see my mom and dad every few months and Killian gets to see his grandparents. Its nice to get a glimpse of what it would be like if family lived near by. And by chance...my parents have been able to be there for me when I needed them most. My mom nursed me back to health after giving birth while my dad made me a million delicious freezer meals. My mom showed me how to bathe a baby and they both took care of me when I was dealing with all those cramps....and this week...they were there for me during the scariest moment of my life. They were seasoned parents when shit hit the fan. They became partners without thinking about it. My mom rushed to Killian, while my dad calmed me down. Honestly I have no idea how I would've handled it had they not been there. I hope that one day I become half the parents they are and have a marriage...a partnership that stands the test of time. I am so lucky. #Teamwork