I did a photoshoot with just a tripod, my remote...and killian. I didn't to do my hair, makeup or even change out of my sweats. i Wanted a photo that captured real life. #BabiesDontNeedFilters

I did a photoshoot with just a tripod, my remote...and killian. I didn't to do my hair, makeup or even change out of my sweats. i Wanted a photo that captured real life. #BabiesDontNeedFilters

37 lbs. That's right. I've lost 37 pounds since giving birth. I am 118lbs, 10 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. #Breastfeeding

I'll likely be bald by March. A part of me wishes I had collected all the hair that's fallen out and rolled it into a ball as some sort of ode to postpartum weirdness.

I'm truly not intending to overshare, but... I can never seem to help myself. So here it is...Hemmy never went away. His friends did, but Hemmy did not. I've tried witch hazel, sitz baths, Prep H, prescription strength ointment and denial, yet he still remains. Sometimes he'll go away for a few days, but always manages to find a way back. He's like the Steve Urkel of my ass. The unwanted house guest that you can't shake. I spoke with my Gyno about it and he said, "Yes it's completely normal, but if it really bothers you I can refer you to a proctologist and they can laser, freeze or band it off. However most people just try and eat a higher fiber diet and manage it, since it poses no medical threat." IF IT BOTHERS ME? IF? Oh you know what? Forget I said anything...it's totally cool. I love when it hurts to poop. Doesn't bother me at all when it bleeds. I think I'll keep it and just eat some more bananas! Pssssh. Nothing about a hemorrhoid is normal. Want to know how I know? 30 years of pain-free pooping. <-----that's how I know. I want to apologize if this confession shattered any kind of notion you might've had that my life was perfect. #SorryNotSorry

Right-y is still my problem nipple. Killian had problems latching to it in the hospital because it was flat/inverted. When he did latch, he did this weird thing where he'd warp my nipple into what can only be described as a slant that resembled the end of a lipstick. And now with the latching/unlatching/latching I think he's traumatized it. So right-y isn't feeling so good. It's not helped that the air has been super dry out here...so if someone could remember to fill up the humidifier that would be epic, ANTHONY! :)

Killian is a champion eater. For reals. After a week of rice cereal we moved onto avocado. As you can see from the video, he couldn't tell if he absolutely hated it or loved it. Babies are weird.

I thought that introducing solids would help him sleep longer...[so says the entire internet], but honestly I noticed no difference. One day he'll sleep through the night, the next day he'll be up 2 times. It's hard to say if anything is working or if it's just a matter of coincidence. Is it the Gripe Water? The Rice Cereal? The timing of his last cat nap? The dreamfeed? The answer is NO. It's just a baby and their erratic sleep patterns [and I should stop stressing over it.]

I'm convinced that he's been in a perpetual growth spurt or mental leap since birth. Never once has he had a whole week of sleeping through the night or any kind of consistency. It's all over the place. Its not even like like oh ok...he wakes up at 3AM every night. Nope. Every night we play sleep roulette. For the most part he wakes up 1-2 times between 7:30PM-7:00AM. That's all I got for you.

He's still been on the 2.5 hr day cycle. 45 minute nap, 15 min feed, 1 hour 30 min wake time. So the rice cereal hasn't been spacing out his feedings.

Basically, my son loves his father more than me. Forget that I birthed him...after growing him for 10 months. Forget that I wipe his ass, pick his boogers and clean his face. Forget the sore nipples and sleepless nights...for DADDY IS HERE! If it sounds like I'm bitter its because I totally am. lol But this is still the highlight of my week. Every night Anthony gets him naked, while I draw the bath...and Killian laughs hysterically at whatever Anthony does. Here's a quick video.

Thursday. Like the whole day. It wasn't one particular thing, but rather an accumulation of a million things. And like most 'LOW POINTS' it always starts with lack of sleep. I hadn't been sleeping well because our baby monitor stopped working and I had to mail it to Samsung for repair. So for the whole week I left my bedroom door open and responded to every single whimper since I had no way of knowing if he was okay or not. So I was tired, irritated and lacking any kind of patience. 

Thursday was the day Killian decided to beat the shit out of me. And I mean that in the most literal way possible. He pulled out chunks of my hair, gummed my nipples raw, sunk his tiger claws into my chest and arm and ripped skin off AND flailed and kicked so much that he left massive bruises on both of my shins. My son kicked my ass. There was spit up in my hair, on my clothes, on the dogs... He didn't want to sleep...just whine about how tired he was. I was in pain...I was tired...my skin was so itchy because the air was so dry. In between all of this I had been working so hard on my blog. I saved it, published it and shared it on google+. When I went to share it to Facebook, it said "This post no longer exists." Yep. Just deleted itself. [I'll spare you the dramatics, but that's a big reason why I'm not longer on Blogger and now have my own website. Fuck Blogger.] In between his crappy 20 minute naps, I was yelling at my mortgage company for the 6th time this month to send me a document I requested. Around this time Anthony sees we have a package. It's the baby monitor!  I open it. Not only did they not fix it...like at all...but now all the buttons are jammed and you can't even turn it on! I'm not proud to admit it... but I snapped. Tears in my eyes....Killian was whining and kicking me when I discovered the baby monitor and I screamed at the top of my lungs, "CAN YOU JUST STOP FUCKING KICKING ME?" Yep....I screamed...AND cursed... at a baby... who was just exploring his new discovery of legs. Shitty mom, right? He looked right at me...and laughed. 
(cont. in next section)

He could've made me feel like shit . He could've shouted at me for shouting at him, but he didn't. Anthony saved me in that moment. He picked Killian up, and said..."I'll look after him for the rest of the night. You, redo your blog. I know you don't want to. I know you want to give up, but redo it. And start fresh tomorrow. We'll sort out the baby monitor and I'll give him as many bottles as he needs till your nipples heal. I'm sorry you're tired. I know its been a rough day." <--------#HusbandOfTheYear. I don't know how single mom's do it. Honestly...and it's not about having two parents for your child, but rather a mom having a husband....or a dad having a wife. And Anthony ...in that moment...was MY husband. MY advocate. You forget that sometimes... when you have a kid. You are so consumed with being mommy, you forget about your marriage. Or at least I have. :/ I didn't say anything to him when he left, but as he walked out of the room, I cried and felt ...so incredibly lucky to of married that man.

He came to bed that night and said, "I know you're upset, but everything happens for a reason and maybe it was time to move on from Blogger." He said, "You're a good writer Kristen. And your blog is really good. If you want people to take you seriously, you need to take yourself seriously and get a legit website." 

He was my cheerleader all week as I designed my site... giving me notes on the design and even suggestions for fonts. It was nice to that he cared so much about what I was doing. I worked tirelessly, even teaching myself some coding and doing my own photoshoot with a tripod and remote. This week he made me realize how much I love writing...and trying to help every single new mother I meet.  So Anthony gets major kudos.

The future kickboxing champion of the world? He's great, but a lot of work. The bigger he gets, the more mobile he gets, the more opinionated he gets...you realize, "Oh shit! I better start adulting and paying attention to what I'm doing because he's learning." Like he's already figured out that he can get away with a lot more from me than Anthony. He's already started to manipulate me with fake cries. God, I REALLY have to stop cursing. Ugh.


*He's 100% rolling front to back and back to front...on purpose...all the time. It's exciting, but now I have to watch him like a hawk. He's no longer a lump that lays still when you plump him down.
*He responds to his name! Which is crazy because I feel like I call him Bean half the time, but he totally looks at you when you say Killian.
*It's been gone for a few weeks, but I just noticed that his startle reflex is no longer with us!
*His voice went hoarse from the dryness. :/ That voice is the saddest voice in the universe. 
*He gets boogers all the time...and I pick them without thinking. #Love
*After figuring out how to roll over, he pulled his hands out from under his belly and army crawled a few centimeters.

One question: When does the spit up stop? It is my least favorite thing and I need it to go away.


*Throw all your baby toys in the washer machine + 1 cup of distilled white vinegar and run it on the rinse cycle. Clean toys...no smells...no chemicals! 

*Baby Bullets do NOT blend avocados. Either that or we have some weird avocados out here in Los Angeles. I blended that sucker for like 10 minutes and it had massive chunks. Had to use my Ninja to get the job done. I look forward to finding out what else Baby Bullets can't blend.

I made my own Cloth Diaper Detergent - which works AMAZINGLY. Recipe to come.

I swapped out my facial/cleanser toner for witch hazel. Witch hazel is a natural, gentle astringent and amazing facial toner! Its been known to shrink your pores and pimples. Only downside is that its hard to not associate the smell with postpartum. So I added a few drops of tea tree oil to the bottle so my face wouldn't smell like hemorrhoids. 

*I've been testing a lot of reputable people's "all natural non toxic blah blah blah laundry detergent recipes" and to be frank.. they suck. They don't get out stains, Anthony's shirts smelt like B.O. and his underwear smelt like balls. Yeah... I smelled the crotch. They don't work and I'm not sure where they get off blasting those recipes all over Pinterest. I'm gonna keep playing around with ratios and researching all the different ingredients and let you know when I find something that works. At the end of the day...if I can find something that is cheaper and has a couple less toxins...I'll be happy. 

BUMPERS! I thought it was just an unnecessary crib accessory. I never paid much attention to it at all, because the whole world says, "IF YOU USE IT, YOUR CHILD WILL DIE OF SIDS." But then your child gets mobile...rolls over...and kicks...and gets his leg trapped in between the slates...and cries in the middle of the night because he can't get it out...and you go Ohhhhhhhhh ok...I get it. Sometimes I just wish that the internet wouldn't scare you into thinking everything kills your baby. I had a bumper, slept on my stomach, got vaccinated, and a gagillion other things they warn against....AND I'M OK! ::Searches Amazon for Crib Bumpers::