I went to Trader Joes this week.  I was in there for 15-20 minutes.  I came out and couldn't find my keys anywhere.  I went back in and retraced all of my steps. Nothing.  I walked right up to my car and bent down as much as I can possibly bend at this point, to see if they went under my car. That's when I heard a noise coming from my car. A familiar noise. A noise you hear when your car is running.  I stood up and looked in the window.  There were my keys...in the ignition...just where I left them.  Pregnancy brain is real ya'll.  It's real. And embarrassing.

24 weeks..I can not believe I still have 4 months left.

September 13, 2015

12 lbs.  Not sure if that number scares you as much as it scares me.  I haven't gained 3 lbs in a week since that one college bender of Chipotle burritos and Strawberry Daiquiri's in 2000... and that wasn't a proud moment for me.  I just have to keep telling myself,  "You aren't fat, Kristen...your baby is fat. He's the fat one. You're just a victim of his fatness." lol  He's definitely had a growth spurt in the couple past weeks.  I know I'm going to gain weight, I know it means the baby's healthy, but no amount of science or articles or doctors or facts or what the hell ever, can make a pregnant woman completely fine with packing on pounds this rapidly.  Just gotta keep slathering on the coconut oil and praying for no stretch marks.  After I eat lunch every day it feels like my baby is the hulk and my skin is his clothes...and that he's just gonna punch his way out and be like Rarrrrrrr. 

As my husband has been saying, "Ooooo nice waddle, babe." My sassy catwalk has gone and been replaced with a penguin waddle.  Here's a photo of my asshole husband sleeping in.  Ok he's not an asshole.

Also my baby is a future UFC fighter champion who will specialize in vagina punches, b/c he's like really good at doing that all the time.

Air and sleep. 

Jokes aside I actually had a pretty scary week.  I should preface that, I'm severely claustrophobic, which is not a great phobia to have when a baby is literately all up in your business and crowding your insides.  And my little guy got himself into a position where he cuddles my left lung making my breathing situation from last week even worse.  

Woke up gasping for air again, but this time severely heavy gasping. I won't get into the details of it all, but 3 hours later and 2 panic attacks, I knew something was wrong.  This wasn't a one off...this happened 3 nights in a row.  And I went from sleeping 7-8 hrs a night to 12 hrs a night...and dark circles started appearing under my eyes...cut to a strong referral from my OB to a Pulmonary Specialist and lots of tests, turns out I'm anemic and my lungs aren't fully inflating b/c my baby is crowding them...HOWEVER, "I should take comfort in knowing this is all normal in pregnancy." Take my appetite, take my slender figure, my comfort, ability to swallow food and not have it come back up...ability to poop like a normal person...take it all and tell me to suck it up and that it's normal in pregnancy, but I have to say "what the fuckity fuck" when you take my air and act like I shouldn't be alarmed by this.  And knowing he's only going to get bigger and things are going to get worse, puts me into a state of panic that I can't seem to come down from.  I've got an inhaler now and upped my iron dosage, but I can't explain the sheer terror I have when I lay down at night.  I can never quite catch my breath or feel fully satisfied when I take a big inhale.  I'm gonna stop typing about this b/c I've been trying to put it all out of my head to try and cope, but I just feel trapped right now.  Trapped in my own body.  Pregnancy is hard...and traumatic.  It's a test of mind, body and soul every single day.  Let's all just take a moment of silence for this animated gif.

BELLY BUTTON: in, but guys...any day now...any day

Being pregnant. Putting socks on.  But no, I haven't been allowed to work out like a normal person until Im cleared on my breathing situation.

Is it possible to outgrow maternity clothes?  Why yes it is, yes it is.  I wear things now that don't put pressure on my stomach.  If I could wear Anthony's pj flannel pants to work, I would. 

My parents are in town and are going to help putting the nursery together! My nesting mode has been intense and I know I'll feel better when I can start checking things off my list.  Here's my little woodland creature themed guys below.  So cute lol

Just being able to be me.  As much as I love his kicks and punches...I need an hour to myself to give me the strength to do another week.  Preferably that hour would involve a nap.