Before I had a baby... Anthony and I could spend a whole Sunday cleaning the house. We'd leisurely clean a room, stopping to watch football, or bbq, or like... do nothing. But now? I clean the entire house in "one nap". I mean it's magic... how much I can get done so quickly. Babies are like all-natural Adderall...giving you dat laser focus. Questions pop in your mind like..."Do I want to eat right now?" and then you're like...no not really, but if I don't...I may not eat again for hours. Next thing you know, you've whipped up freezer meals for the next two weeks...all while you cleaned the living room, went to the bathroom, vacuumed the floors, made the bed, fed the dogs, showered...and maybe even breathed. Makes me want to do a Rocky-esque punch-the-air celebration for I am Wonder Mommy!

Allergies. You're probably thinking, "Ummm what's so weird about allergies, Kristen?" Well I haven't had allergies in two years, b/c I get allergy shots every month, so this is new to me. I've narrowed it down... I am either allergic to my baby... being an adult...the Bears playing shitty football... OR it could be that my baby's birth just happened to coincide with the change of the seasons and body is whacky... either way... they're terrible! I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've blown my nose on a burp cloth...or my shirt... for fear of dripping snot on Killian's face. I'd take a Zyrtec, but I read it dries up your milk along with your boogers. 

Also... I'm pretty sure someone gave me an exfoliation massage... with sand paper. My skin is UNBELIEVABLY dry. I'm so dry and itchy and uncomfortable... and no amount of coconut oil in the world seems to cure it. I drink at least a gallon of water a day, but apparently I need more. I should just invest in a beer helmet with those drinking tubes...but put water bottles in there. lol ...
...that actually is a great idea... ::adds beer helmet to Christmas List::

WEIGHT LOSS/DIET/EXERCISE: Hmmmm. Did I work out this week? ...

No. No I did not. I thought about it a few times, but then I was like, "think I'll just sleep." Cheers to trying again this week. 

HOWEVER! HOW...EVERRRRRR. Ladies and gentlemen I am 129.9 lbs. I'm officially back in the 120's....I wish you all could've seen my happy dance this morning...it was intense. I was 128.4 at my first weigh in...so this is 1.5 lbs away...

Dare I say it? I think I actually enjoy breastfeeding...and not in a "I'm happy I'm nourishing my baby" kinda way, but in a "this is oddly relaxing" way. I might even be addicted. Is there a boobs anonymous group? BA? Because that dose of oxytocin is like a delicious cigarette I crave every few hours. I've even stopped thinking about it as a demand I have to answer and more of "zen time for me and the bean". It definitely puts him to sleep at bedtime...but I'm always right behind him. Is my bedtime 7:30PM now? Why yes...yes it is. 

I've had some really bad stomach cramps. Like really bad...reminded me of period cramps...and then I realized, "Oh ya...when do I get my period again?" I'd say it was something I ate but it's been like 5 days now. So I think this might be my body's crappy attempt at a period, but like it forgot how to do it...


Weeks 1-2...Random and all over the place
Weeks 3-4...9PM, 11PM, 1AM, 3AM, 5AM, 7AM
Weeks 5-6...8PM, 12PM, 3AM, 5AM, 7AM
Week 7 ...growth spurt...don't even wanna talk about it
Week 8...7:30PM, 11:30PM, 3AM, 6AM
Week 9...7:30PM, 1:30AM, 6AM

I mean sure my boobs still woke me up at 3, but least I didn't have to zombie walk to the nursery and do the whole thing. The internet says this is "sleeping through the night"...Agree to disagree, but I'll take it.

Monday. Like the whole day. The whole shitty day is one I'm going gonna refrain from talking about b/c it's basically public shaming my husband and I'm gonna try and rise above... this one time. Lets just hope it was a learning experience about how you can't procrastinate when you have a baby...so like when someone asks you to do something and you don't do it right away b/c you'd rather watch football...then forget to do it all together...and then that dumb decision creates a butterfly effect that RUINS MY LIFE? ya. Lets just say everything that could go wrong, went wrong. I threw in the towel at 11 in the morning and just... walked around my house pant less covered in spit up the rest of the day.


Gripe Water - For when you've exhausted all internet remedies for "babies struggling to fart." I gave some to Killian and a sweet symphony came blaring out of his ass within minutes.  Music to my ears. 

If you don't use your dishwasher for a while...it smells like ass. This isn't baby related, but just something in general I didn't know. I've never really used dishwashers b/c I dont feel like they do an efficient job...at all. Pretty sure they just like...wet the dishes. Anyways I decided I'd give it a try for the first time in a while and my whole kitchen ended up smelling like a sewer. It basically just splashed my dishes with ass water.

It is very hard to stop cursing. I've tried to make an effort to stop swearing and it's really fucking hard. 

So I guess every week I'm just gonna tell you how I can't believe how much he's grown, how much more awake he is, and how he's smiling more, basically everything...but like more. He's in overdrive in all areas...


*He smiles so much. He doesn't even cry in the morning. He'll lay in his crib patiently at 6AM and just look around, babble and wait for me to come to him. As soon as he hears my voice he does the biggest smile of the day. 

*So yes he's sleeping solid at night, but in return he's not sleeping much in the day. 3 or 4 catnaps here and there...like 30...45 min tops, but that's it. So I've had to step up my circus routine. I feel such pressure now that he's awake all the time just staring at me. I'm like...should I be doing more? Omg I have to like mold his mind right now...what the hell do I do?

*Bathtime is probably his most favorite thing ever, besides boob of course...however he's quickly learned the bedtime routine...so as soon as you pull him out of the bath, he can't be bothered getting dressed, he just wants to get on that boob and fall asleep. 

*Tummy time is starting to pay off! His neck control is on-point...which I'm happy about b/c its incredibly heartbreaking to sit there and listen to your kid vibrato cry... with his adorable sad lip...while you force tummy time.

*Lots of babbling. I've even deciphered some of it. For example when he mumbles "Loooooow", it means "give me sum of dat boob". Don't ask me how I know, but yea...I speak Killian.

*If you support his arms for balance, this boy will walk...must be instinctual. I was sat there one day making him jump and out of nowhere he just starts walking towards me. I of course videoed it...put it on instagram...and marveled in how awesome my kid was. (Pro tip: Try not to think everything your baby does is genius or advanced...like I do and will continue to do.)

Seems like he's been getting some good sleep. He's also getting really good at pouring 6 oz of my milk down the drain...apparently.

Shelby's interest in him as grown significantly. She'll sit there and lick his hands...face...ear...and even his spit up that went all over the kitchen floor Monday morning.  Fun fact: If a dog licks up breastmilk, their farts will smell like baby poop.

Being a mom is hard. Its just one of those things in life that you can never truly understand until you go through it. You think you know...but you have no idea. It's so real. The realest thing in the world...and when you're in it...all the things everyone ever said about a kid comes flooding to your mind and you feel stupid for saying things like, "I know what its like to be a mother b/c I have dogs." Sure I was a mother...a mother to dogs, but mothering a kid is some next level shit. It is draining and exhausting...and forever...I could never be prepared for how much my life would change and I think I'm barely tipping the iceberg about how much it will continue to change, but it's so awesome. lol Like super exhaustingly awesome. I have no idea how I'm suppose to go back to work and leave him...

He looks so much like my brother in this photo...