Ah yes, the Love Your Spouse Challenge. You know, the one where you find beautiful photos of you and your boo in your prime and share them on Facebook for 7 days? I saw the challenge circulating amongst friends for weeks. I thought I was in the clear, but like a fat kid in dodgeball, I was tagged. Now 9 times out of 10, if I’m nominated or tagged in something on Facebook…I pull a Jesus and just “turn the other cheek”. Yes, my interpretation of this Bible verse is that Jesus encourages us to ignore people when they act a fool. Its more fun that way. This time, however, I figured "Why not?"
So I searched through my old photos. Found the classics…the wedding day photo, the engagement photo, the day we met back when we were skinny AF photo. There they were, just waiting to be uploaded, to show the internet how good looking we could be. The Hawaii jet skiing photos would show how adventurous we could be. And who could forget the day my son was born…that photo would for sure declare how much I loved him (because I looked bloated AF and was still willing to post it). All these moments, when it was easy to love him. Back when he didn’t have a dad bod, when we had cash falling from the sky to spend on vacations to Hawaii, and when we’d just brought life into the world.
But then it turned 5 o'clock in the real world at the Lavin household. I had just spent 45 minutes making dinner. Anthony got home later than normal, no heads up...so food had to be reheated. We were waiting at the table. He goes to the bedroom, changed into some sweatpants, took what I can only presume was a 15 min shit and then emerged, walking slowly to the table with sink water splashed on bottom of his shirt. He was texting. "Who you texting?" I asked (Not looking up, but giving me the shhh finger) "Hang on", he said. That’s when I thought.... THIS is real life. THIS is marriage. And THIS is the real challenge. Loving your spouse on the days when you wanna slap them in their stupid faces, but also loving them for all funny imperfections. Loving them in spite of the ridiculous things he does, crazy things he says and all 20 pairs of comfy pants he owns. Marriage isn’t always easy. Sometimes it is, but loving him on our worst days…that’s the #loveyourspousechallenege.
Anyway, I started snapping selfies unbeknownst to him…and posting them on Facebook. People seemed to get a kick out of them, so I just kept going. I can’t seem to stop. I love him. I love us. I love his humor, his antics and the unpredictable things he does that make me laugh. Some may think I'm making fun of him. And you'd be right...but we're both laughing and still loving each other anyways.
So after yesterday, Anthony has been on high alert. Every time he goes to the toilet he comes back and makes me promise I didn't take a photo of him shitting 🙊 I'm actually loving how on edge he is. I'm like "calm down...don't worry" 😏 So this morning he starts washing dishes very loudly. (Weird. I didn't even know he knew what that spout was used for.) So I snuck in like a ninja, grabbed a photo and snuck out. He kept washing dishes. He then proceeds to shout from the other room "Did I need anything washed?" I'm like "no?" Then again he announces "I gotta leave for work right after I FINISH THESE DISHES". Then it dawned on me. This sneaky little f$&ker was trying to shift my narrative. He didn't want shower selfies, he wanted thanks for being some kind of husband of the year who does dishes before work. He was playing me. I let him finish washing the dishes. He minces back through to the family room...and coyly says, "You didn't take a picture of me doing dishes did you?" Everything on his face was actually saying, "Please tell me you took a picture of me doing dishes." "Nope" I said. I could see on his face that he was disappointed. Like he'd done it for nothing. Like he was going to have to shit in fear for another day. Anyways...he left for work and definitely has no clue I did in fact take this photo. This was the photo I took. Lol in all seriousness thank you for doing the dishes, so I don't have to do them today. But never try to out sneak the sneak master 💁 I'm always one step ahead. #loveyourspousechallenge #day4 #marriage #realAF #washingdishes #selfie
Every day I wake up with my own idea for this silly #loveyourspousechallenge and every day, life has completely different plans. Full disclosure, I took this photo last night, but whatever, THERE’S NO RULES IN THE LOVE YOUR SPOUSE CHALLENGE! It was 30 min before his clients were to arrive for a vocal session. He went to turn on the AC and let the studio cool down a bit. While in there, he checked our backup fridge to make sure enough water was stocked. Yes, our backup fridge. You know the one that keeps all the freezer meals I make? Curry soups, salmon patties, meatballs, etc “For f*&k’s sake!”, he screams. “What’s going on?” I shouted “You’ve got to be f*&king kidding me!” "Are you ok?” I shouted “OH MY GOD!” he says as he burst through the doors dry heaving into the trash can. It would appear that somebody unplugged the fridge last week when he had another vocal session. And it would appear that same somebody forgot to plug it back in. So for one week, all that curry, salmon and more, had been rotting in our 100 degree heat. “It smells like a corpse’s asshole” he mumbled as he hovered over the kitchen sink, dry heaving. 🙊 On ANY other day I would’ve been FURIOUS. I’d be yelling at him “We lost all that food!” “Hours of my cooking!” “How could you be so careless!” Like a montage of wife-isms I’d say, “Well THIS is what happens when you don’t pay attention” “I hope you’ve learned your lesson” and snarky comments like “Guess that’s $200 worth of food down the drain.” But not this time…nope. This challenge has me all kinds of crazy, bc all I could do was look up the sky, say “Thank you baby Jesus” and grab my phone. I mean, these opportunities just keep falling on my lap. For half an hour, he hosed out fridge drawers, filled up essential oil diffusers and sprayed his special shit spray @poopourri. He cleaned that fridge so ferociously, I realized I may have been duped all these years as he’s said, “I’m terrible at cleaning.” The takeaway though? We started out furious, but b/c of this challenge? We end up laughing. Maybe this stupid thing is making me a better person? Making me look for the humor in it all. All for a photo... #marriage #realAF
Anthony: I made you a cup of coffee. Me: Really? 😁 Anthony: Well kind of...I accidentally poured almond milk instead of regular milk into mine... Me: Ah 😐 I see... Anthony: You're welcome. Me: 🙄 Anthony: Don't post that... Me: 😏 ☕️ 📸 (he has a nut allergy) #loveyourspousechallenge #day6 #freecoffee #nutallergy #secondhandcoffee #marriage #likeforfollow
I waited outside the bathroom for 4 minutes holding this face. I wasn't aware he'd come out with no pants on. That was just a bonus. Anthony: I have a confession. I was THAT guy today. Me: Huh? Anthony: I was in the wine aisle at Ralph's and you know how I just ate that Mexican? Me: Yeah 😏 Anthony: Well a fart may or may not have snuck out. Me: Did someone hear it? Anthony: No it was way worse. I walked through it and ...well it didn't smell good. But then I saw a couple walk through it and cringe their faces. Me: Noooo 🙊 Anthony: Yea 😔 Me: YOU were the guy that just made someone walk through a fart? I always tell you how angry I get when I walk through someone's fart. Anthony: I know 😔 I never thought I'd be that guy, but it just happened. It snuck up on me. Im ashamed. Had to tell someone. Me: Did they know it was you? Anthony: What difference does it make at this point. I'm a drive by farter now 😔 Me: 🙊 #loveyourspousechallenge #day8 #sneakyfarts #driveby #marriage #nopants #bathroomselfie #shame #realAF
Anthony: Look Killian! I'm a pretty lady. See my golden locks? Killian: (ignores Anthony's wool blanket wig and hands him Mr. Monkey) Anthony: Uh oh! Looks like Mr.Monkey got a hair cut. (To me) Babe one of the dogs chewed both the ears off Mr.Monkey Me: 🙄 Anthony: Who wants Mr. Earless Monkey? (All dogs rush to Anthony) Anthony: (To me) With this hood and this monkey, I feel like the Messiah. I'm the most popular guy in the room. Me: Yea I just love that verse about Jesus and Mr. Monkey dressed as pretty ladies 🙈 #loveyourspousechallenge #day10 #jesus #monkey #messiah
Me: Remember three days ago when Killian spit up on the headboard and I asked you to wipe it off while I went and cleaned him? Anthony: Vaguely Me: Well you didn't. Anthony: Ok? Me: Ok well you know how the maid came today? Anthony: Yeah Me: Well after she left I went to have a look around. And that's when I saw the crusted white baby spit up matted to the headboard. Anthony: Oh did she not clean it? Me: No Anthony, she did not. Can you think of a reason why she may not have scrubbed at the hard white substance splattered on our headboard? Anthony: 🤔....😳 (realizing) noooooooo Me: Yep Anthony: Noooooooo 🙊 Me: Yep 😔 #loveyourapousechallenge #day12 #lookslikejizz #babyspitup