32 WEEKS PREGNANT

32 WEEKS PREGNANT

"Belly button is out, no stretch marks, no wedding ring. Don’t laugh but I read an article saying if you wear metal during the eclipse it could harm your baby and then immediately was like, “Well shit…I know that’s absurd, but obviously, I can’t wear metal on Monday now.” They got me, guys…they got me."

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36 WEEKS - NEVER TAKE A POO FOR GRANTED

36 WEEKS - NEVER TAKE A POO FOR GRANTED

" I eat...and it's like "no bitch! what are you a baby bird? eat another burger!" and I'm over here like..."ok fine".  When you hit critical swollen fat face level 1000,  it's like meh, I'll figure the rest out later...These crazy Instagram models with tennis ball sized baby bumps and 6 packs 2 days after giving birth can just ...nm I won't say anything bad, but come on? What crossroads demon did they make deals with?"...

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35 WEEKS - THE RUDEST SNORE

35 WEEKS - THE RUDEST SNORE

"Imagine you're sleeping....you're sleeping...and sleeping and all of a sudden you wake to what sounds like a 7th grader with headgear and a pretty severe sinus infection trying to inhale. That noise...that noise my friend was coming from me.  It was the loudest, rudest snore of my life.  So loud I woke myself up, the dogs up...and a very disturbed Anthony who I could feel judging me even though it was super dark in the room.  I guess I snore now."...

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34 WEEKS - ICE, ICE BABY

34 WEEKS - ICE, ICE BABY

"We live in this society where people go to work sick every day, b/c they can't afford not to.  And it's not okay. I mean...I will work up until my water breaks on the floor, then that day...either push a baby out of my vagina or be cut open and have him extracted...and then hurry up real fast and heal b/c I have only a few weeks before I have to get back to work.  Forget bonding, sleeping, breastfeeding or like... putting your body and hormones back together.  Suck it up and get back to work b/c we're not waiting for you to "heal"...

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30 WEEKS - ACCEPTANCE

30 WEEKS - ACCEPTANCE

"From the first time I peed on that 99 cent store pregnancy strip after feeling a bit queasy...I've being going through what can only be compared to... the 5 stages of grief.  Not grieving over having a kid, that part I'm ecstatic about.  The whole tiny human thing is the light at the end of this miserable tunnel that I'm certain will make it all worth it.  Also, for the record, I do consider myself incredibly lucky and fortunate to be able to bear children...and totally get that some women simply can't have kids....so not grieving about having kids.  But grieving over pregnancy and what it's does to you mentally, physically and spiritually.  I tip my hat to all mothers before me and to come...b/c frankly...it's a mind f$%k."...

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